They say we should rely on ourselves, rely on God or on our own inner self for happiness. Most would suppose this to be true. To be happy in your own company is good, but to me, the want to be connected and purposed with others is as intrinsic to life and happiness.
Where is the line, and what is healthy?
Firstly there is a difference between attachment and connection. To me there are certain situations and circumstances where either may be motivating us. That is, is our behaviour coming from emotional need or love? I think we all know the difference, even though we may not wish to admit it at the time. To me, emotion is certainly to be heard, but definitely not followed. Emotion usually feels more urgent than love, and any self-talk or verbalising associated with it is usually more victim oriented or absolute in nature. I have seen love, so called, turn to hate in an instant. Emotions, not love, fed such situations. Love is more about concern for another’s needs, and tends to be selfless, or not being concentrated on our own needs at the time.
So back to detachment. The purists may say that we need find happiness in detachment, but I find that in connection we find the greatest expression of love and happiness. Detachment can help a great deal in all things, but I believe to want to give, and to find the need to be connected and purposed with others is in our nature, and not a bad thing. To be concerned about others and in their lives is a natural part of life; all in an appropriate way and measure of course. To feel a need for connection and purpose to be happy is not wrong. To feel this way is not a lack of detachment. It is a part of life.
Being free from unhealthy emotional attachments does add to human happiness, and detachment avails us well. To centre ourselves and connect with God or Source brings love, energy and understanding to us. It allows the state of love to be more front and centre too. Unhealthy attachment is seen very easily as it does not know its measure and continually oversteps its bounds, wanting only what it wants. It is not concerned if it has not earned something or it is seeking what another is not willing to give. It is always a little blind to itself and its affect on another person or people.
Yet, is it wrong to mourn the loss of a loved one, or a relationship? Is it wrong to feel at times we need each other as we go through this life?
I believe that what is healthy and good at the time, is healthy and good, and it very much depends on the circumstances, as to what is beneficial or appropriate. To appease our animal needs at certain times is not wrong, and is kind to ourselves. It is only when they take control that it may be detrimental to our happiness. This all may come down to semantics or your definition of connection, attachment, love, happiness etc, but what I see clearly is that connection is more intrinsic to life and happiness than detachment, even if at times you get emotionally attached. This is not to say that detachment and contentment are not extremely valuable and powerful.
What I am trying to say, is that life is to be lived. That happiness does not just lie in detachment, and that connection is essential to it too. To me, detachment and connection are both of of great value to us, and happiness is very much found in connections and all the purposes that rise therefrom.